Tolerance was like a rubber band, stretched too often in Janine’s life. Every time she watched people use it against her and now her fingers stung of betrayal and abandonment. She had been lying on her back for three days, mostly talking to herself or to God, mostly thinking about him. She was not sure if love was supposed to feel this way, a horrible tightening in her chest followed by futile efforts to keep the dam from collapsing. All her life her mother raised her to believe that men were snatchers and all they did was take things from you, valuable things. But as she grew older, the advice got complicated. Men did not always take, women gave. Women gave with trust and sometimes men squeezed that trust like crumpled paper and threw it in the trash can. The problem, she thought, for women is society’s glaring eyes. Whether she chose to accept it or not, women have to take on the daily blows of religion and culture. It all came down to ‘the thing to do and the thing not to do.’ Don’t be headstrong, don’t emasculate him, don’t show desire, don’t don’t don’t. Continue reading “PRIVATE MUSINGS”



Far,far away,
A distant memory,
Lost on the shores of time,
Was my fragile heart buried,
I journey back,
To when it was all perfect,
And everything moved in slow motion,
When the wind raced through my hair,
Making it rile in reaction,
When the rain danced with the dust
In youthful glee,
And filled my nostrils,
Sweet musty scent,
Beckoning me,
To join in the sprightly dance of ecstasy,
Until the heavens pull you away from
My grip,
And I retreat
To reality’s prison.

An old poem,  written in the Era of blue days.