Bus Conversations. (#MEAT)

I know it’s long, but try…..

Yesterday was an extremely yellow day. I entered a bus on Ibiwe to Maingate, UNIBEN,  sweaty, tanned and with blisters on my feet from the new shoes my lovely mother bought for me. There were three men in the bus, all sitting on my favourite spots. I had to sit behind in the hopes that my breathing space will not be invaded by a sweaty person. A fair…No, bleached man with large glasses kept staring at me and when it got uncomfortable, I said ‘good afternoon’. He somehow took this as an invitation to start a conversation and before I thought of Jack, he was sitting beside me, telling his dark friend, ‘I need to talk to the pretty Law lady.’ This is where my blood began to simmer. Obviously he had assessed me to find out if I was ‘up to par’ and he figured ‘oh she’s pretty, this will be a walk in the park.’ He shifted inside and asked me to move too. I politely refused and when he dragged my bag, told him he had no right to touch my property. He sat beside me again and when other passengers entered, complained about the inconvenience I had caused by not moving when he asked me to. First question, why? Why? Why? Should my will be trashed simply because you demanded for something?

He talked on and on about female lawyers intimidating their husbands, taking charge of the house affairs and when I told him that he could not equate a woman getting a degree with intimidating a man, He told me I was intelligent for a girl and I asked him if that meant that women in general were blockheads and I was just the least ‘blocky’ in the bunch. He laughed, a very unpleasant laugh , the kind you use when you have nothing to say and asked me for my number to which I said ‘sorry, I don’t have a phone here’ and to which he replied ‘you don’t know where you’ll meet me tomorrow, you might just need me to do something for you.’ I told him all human beings were dispensable and he should not whip up sentiments and when he observed that it was not working,  he switched to compliments, ‘I love the way you talk, you communicate properly, you’re bold and I would just like it if we continued what we created here in a much comfortable scene. I can even get you a phone to use if that’s the problem, just give me a number I can reach you with…’

1. Compliments from men will continue to ‘burst your head’ until you realise that you are beautiful simply because you were made that way.

2. A man does not have the right to look at the female population and take a handful from what he believes to be the ‘best flavours.’

3. You do not deserve to be turned and slapped against slimy tables just to make sure you’re good enough. If a man tries to do that,  tell him to go to Oba Market to consult the meat sellers there.

4. You will not grovel for a man’s attention and feel bad and useless when he refuses to give it to you.

5. You will not succumb to his manipulations and petty demands that are only meant for his satisfaction.

6. The so called ‘magic’ you hear of does not exist. ‘All magic comes with a price.’ If you think you’re playing him for the fool by spending his money. ‘Pay day’ is on the way. You don’t just lock gazes somehow and see into his soul. Even ‘jazz’ sef nor reach that one.

7. You’re busy chasing your dreams and so is he. You will not drop yours to ‘help’ him with his own(Who made you the housewife? ) You will not sacrifice your entire time for him because I assure you, HE DOES NOT CARE.

8. Do not deceive yourself with ‘thrill seeking’ and ‘adventures.’ If you want to live fast and die young, Go ahead, He will still be here living his life.

9. ‘You’re a prude, bloody jew,  fellowship girl, you’re not sharp, you will learn, I will teach you, relax small now, I’ll go easy, baby steps, just you and me.’ If you hear anything like this, Please sprint away because that is a thirsty fool looking for meat. And are you meat? I should hope not.

10. You will not change him o. I repeat you will not change him.  He will not be a ‘good boy’ for you. You’re not Jesus Christ.  If he says, ‘if you leave me, I’ll go back to my wayward ways.’ Aunty help him pack his bags please and send him to the meat market.

About to enter a bus…. Bye bye. ‘You is kind, you is smart, you is important’ and all that talk.